The Four Types of Love – Eros

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; for your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the young women love you!
Take me away with you – let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Song of Solomon 1:1-4

We are continuing in our series about LOVE. This week we will focus on the beauty displayed in the type of love that God has created to be shared between a husband and wife. In Greek, this word is eros (pronounced AIR-ohs). The origins are similar to our English word “erotic”. Although our modern understanding of this word often has sinful connotations, a deeper understanding of eros exemplifies a form of romantic, intimate love. This eros was hand-crafted by God and is a sacred and complex concept. Eros is connected to the idea of a passionate, intense feeling and has multiple forms of expression. It should not be reduced to the exchange of sexual relations. Eros is physical and emotional and spiritual. It is deep and holy and precious.

From the beginning of time, the enemy has been distorting the beauty in God’s creation: taking beautiful things that were created for our health, well being and enjoyment, and speaking lies and shame over us. The love shared between a husband and wife: the passionate, intimate connection, both emotional and physical in expression, were all intricately designed by our Creator. Yet in Christian circles, speaking of such things feels awkward or wrong. And in worldly circles, the concept of eros is often reduced to strictly physical sexual relations; or worse, it’s taken outside of the framework that it was specifically designed for. As children of God, passionate, vulnerable and authentic beings, we need to strike a delicate balance in this area and reclaim what God has designed for our good and His ultimate glory.

When I think of eros love, the main area of Scripture that comes to mind is Song of Solomon. As I read through this book, I am amazed by the imagery, passion, vulnerability and wisdom that I read within its pages. It should not be surprising to us that God has inspired such a romantic and complex work of art to help us understand the mystery of romantic love. To dig a little deeper into this topic, I’ve outlined a few truths to deepen our understanding of this eros love.

Eros is designed for covenant.

First, eros love is designed to take place within the the framework of covenant and true commitment. Phrases such as “I have found the one whom my soul loves” and “I am my beloved’s and he is mine” are repeated phrases within the Song of Solomon. There is a sense of oneness and an enduring commitment love between the man and woman in this text. Expressed over and over, it’s obvious they aren’t being casual. They belong to one another. It’s this level of oneness and unity where we find the safety to love and be loved in this deep, vulnerable exchange. There’s a reason God created this depth of relationship for marriage. Without commitment and safety, this level of love and trust and vulnerability is misused and our entire being is hurt and violated.

Sexual intimacy is beautiful, not shameful.

Next, sexual intimacy is beautiful, not shameful. These verses depict the special sacred connection that the lovers experienced together. He praised the beauty of her body, and the kisses of his mouth were as honey to her lips. The couple pours out their adoration for one another. Yet, somewhere along the way, the true expression of eros has gotten so very distorted. The world abuses sex by treating it as casual and taking it out its designed context. In response, the church went to the other extreme. The “purity culture” of the 90s made many believers shy away from all conversations surrounding sexual intimacy. And while there is a place for purity, I fear we have gone too far and made young people view sex as “bad or “wrong” or “dirty.” God created sexual enjoyment and to bring pleasure and oneness between a husband and wife. There’s nothing to shy away from, nor should it be viewed as dirty. It’s beautiful, sacred, and designed by God to be enjoyed within a covenant love between a man and a woman.

Patience and purity before passion.

With that being said, there is a place for purity and within this love story, we see a charge to remain pure before the appointed time. The bride urges the younger women, “Do not stir up love or awaken love until it pleases.” She pleads with them to wait, and there is so much wisdom in that. I cannot tell you al the heartache I have put myself through by doing exactly the opposite. I was busy trying to awaken love in my life from a really young age; WAY before it was the right time to do so. And it caused so much heartache for me. I just wish there was more of a balance in how we discuss purity with the younger generations. They’re fuming with hormones and everything within them desires to “awaken love.” Yet in scripture we see the pattern of patience and purity before passion and pleasure. We do need the reminder that God’s way is always best. It’s just that as Christians, there must be a balance between being open, honest and relatable with our children surrounding this topic, and also giving them a healthy encouragement to wait to awaken this type of love, because it’s a beautifully complex thing.

Additionally, I think about the emotional expressions of eros love. The physical, surely we need to draw boundaries and be patient, but the emotional expressions are just as impactful to our hearts. This passionate love makes us nearly obsessive in the beginning. The person we love is all we think about and all we talk about. We see that exemplified in Song of Solomon. Christian circles often scrutinizes that type of thing, throwing around talk of idols and putting our love for a significant other before the Lord, etc. These are valid cautions, but there is not thing wrong with feeling this way about someone. God designed those feelings and they have a beautiful function in laying a foundation for a forever type of love.

Christ and the church.

Finally, we can see the beautiful exchange in the Song of Solomon as a deeper picture of Christ and the church. “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.” As the collective Church, we are the bride of Christ. He is jealous for us, and we long for His coming, as a bride longs for her husband to come for her. The picture of marriage is supposed to be a pattern to reflect the love of Christ to an unbelieving world. That the husband would lay down his very life for his wife, as Christ did for His church. And that the bride would long for her husband and he would rule over her. All of this points to Christ’s love for us. And to think that the culmination of all the passionate, beautiful, soul-filled emotions we experience in this earthly realm, only scratches the surface of the perfect and overwhelming love and unity we will take part in for eternity… Oh what a beautiful thought.

So sister, whether you’re in the stage of waiting and being patient for the eros type of love, or you’re walking through the highs and lows of the imperfections of eros within your marriage, I encourage you to keep the perspective that we see in Scripture. Eros is beautiful and holy and designed for our pleasure and to deepen our oneness in marriage. It’s a beautiful dance between a man and a woman, that God created, and the depth of which merely foreshadows the perfect love that will one day be made known, when Christ comes again.