The Five Pillars of Health – Emotional

“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

James 3:17-18

When I think of whole – person health, I think back to how we are made in the image of God. He is three in one: Father, Son and Spirit. And we also, are three in one: body, soul and spirit. So when we take the time to check in on our overall health, and we desire to grow, be healthy, and mature, we have to check in on all three aspects of our being. We have already covered the aspects of our bodily health, in the previous physical health post in this series. And we also covered our spiritual health. Today I want to focus in on emotional health, which points to the third part of our being: our soul.

What exactly is a soul?

Let’s begin by defining the difference between soul and spirit. These two parts of our being are connected and often interchanged. But it’s helpful to understand the difference and how they work together if we are going to grow and develop in a holistic way.

Soul

Our soul is what makes us who we are on a deeper level: it’s our personality, our gifts and talents, the ways we think and the emotions we possess. No one person is exactly the same. Our souls contain our internal identity. Just like there is no one else in this world that looks like you, there’s also no one on this earth who has the same soul as you. God made you beautiful and unique with specific gifts, emotions and feelings. It’s what makes you you on the inside.

Spirit

Our spirit on the other hand, is the eternal part of our being that functions to help us interact with and commune with God. His very Spirit indwells and regenerates our spirit which allows us to hear His voice, follow His ways and have the ability to spend eternity with Him after our physical body passes away.

Our souls, (the deeper aspect of who we are and the unique identity that God gave us), will live on forever because we have a spirit. When we are in Christ, we are sealed forever in Him for eternity. (See Ephesians chapter 2) Thus our 3-in-1 identity can be summed up as this: we HAVE a body, we ARE a soul, and our spirit is either made alive in Christ or dead and inactive without Him.

Emotional health begins with soul care

Our souls need care, guidance and direction. One way to have soul-level care is to grow in your emotional and mental health. Contrary to popular belief, “self care” like girls trips and pedicures won’t actually bring you longterm peace or happiness. But do you know what will? Putting in the work to care for your SOUL. What makes you happy? What are your interests? Do you truly know yourself in a deep and meaningful way? What are your strengths? What are your flaws? How do you respond when someone corrects you? How are the health of your relationships? Do you make time to grow in depth and wisdom? How are you maintaining your peace? Are you experiencing peace at all? Why or why not? These questions are just the beginning of checking in with the health and development of your soul. Emotional health and maturity is the basis for long term soul-care. It’s the deeper aspect of personal development that many people never take the time to work on. But it’s so important.

What is emotional health?

Emotional health may seem ambiguous. It’s one of those things that you may not be able to see physically but it’s incredibly easy to see experientially. Just think back to your own life experience. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has either been very emotionally healthy, or on the flip side, someone who is extremely unhealthy emotionally? What has been your experience as you have interacted with them? Emotionally healthy individuals are others-focused, peaceful, kind, humble and self-aware. Emotionally unhealthy people can be tense, discontent, easily angered and contentious. As imperfect and ever-adjusting people, we can go in and out of levels of emotional health. But the goal is always to grow on towards Christ-likeness and maturity. So let’s go over some aspects of emotional health to help ourselves assess.

Aspects of emotional health:

• Self awareness: the ability to objectively assess one’s own abilities and limitations
• Maintaining healthy, meaningful, deep relationships with others.
• The ability to name, recognize and manage one’s own feelings and emotions.
• Being able to understand how one’s past has or is affecting their present.
• Able to exhibit compassion and empathy for others.
• Has a strong sense of humility and teachability.
• Their communication is effective and clear.
• Healthy conflict management: the ability to remain calm, humble and self-reflective during conflict without blame shifting or becoming triggered during conflict.
• The ability to consider and empathize with other people’s perspectives and experiences.

In my experience, a relationship with someone who is emotionally healthy is life giving and encouraging. These people are able to love freely, they are confident, peaceful and mature. They have this beautiful ability to hold the balance of truth yet also extend grace. When a person is emotionally healthy, they are a blessing to everyone around them.

How do I grow in emotional health?

In my experience, much of a person’s emotional health is tied to their maturity and their ability to be self aware. But what practical steps can we take to make progress in this area?

Read the Bible

First and foremost, being steeped in Scripture needs to be your base. The Bible says that “all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” God’s Word is the source of truth and is packed with wisdom and instruction. Reading and memorizing Scripture and using it as the litmus test of your attitudes, actions and reactions will be the most impactful step you take to grow on towards maturity.

See a Christian counselor

The next thing that comes to mind is going to see a solid, Christian counselor. There is a stigma attached to having a counselor and/or going to see a therapist, but in my opinion, everyone should! These individuals are trained to help you grow in your emotional and mental health. They can walk you through your past and how it affects your present, help you to grow in empathy and your ability to see outside of your own perspective, and give you tools to communicate and love others well.

Find a mentor

Another suggestion I have from personal experience is finding an older, wiser woman to mentor you. We need the voices and insights of women who have gone before us and grown in ways we haven’t yet. Look for someone who is about 10-20 years older than you and be brave enough to ask them to meet with you on a regular basis. In Titus we read that the older women of the church are supposed to teach and admonish the younger. This pattern of discipleship is becoming a lost art in our generation, but regardless of what culture tells us, we don’t know everything, we are not self-sufficent, and we need one another.

Be intentional

The last bit of encouragement I can give you in the area of growing and maturing on a soul-level, is to be intentional in your relationship with yourself, with the Lord, and with others. Take the time to journal, reflect and pray. Ask God for wisdom and to grow you on towards maturity. Be curious about your own life experiences, knee jerk reactions and communication patters. I think so often, we are so busy and we blaze through the motions of this life, without giving much thought to who we are, where we are in our emotional health and self development, or how we are relating with others. Once you have done this reflective work for yourself, that level of grace, wisdom and understanding will naturally flow out towards those around you. So take the time, sister. Carve out space to be intentional in a deep and meaningful way. And remember, we are all growing. There is no time at which any of us have “arrived” – there is always room for forgiveness, grace and growth.